


he was mine.

by sadconfusinghours



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adult Oikawa Tooru, Airports, Alternate Universe, Anger Management, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Doubt, Farewell letter, Fluff I guess, Funeral, Headaches & Migraines, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kageyama Tobio Med Student, Letter, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, One Shot, Self-Harm, Short One Shot, Sorry Not Sorry, Time Skips, Why Did I Write This?, anger issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadconfusinghours/pseuds/sadconfusinghours
Summary: “I want to study abroad and finish med there.”“But?”“No buts.”“Come on, Kageyama, you can’t lie to me. I know whenever you lie. I mean we have been dating for 2 years now.”“I just… Don’t want to leave you.” I’m scared.“Well Bakayama, I support your decision as long as you’re happy with it.”“I’m happy with you.”“And becoming a doctor will make you happy too. I won’t go anywhere, so go chase your dream.”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 39
Kudos: 233





	he was mine.

**Author's Note:**

> The story takes place a few months after they graduate college. Inspired by the song "She was mine" by AJ Rafael; hearing the song gave me an idea, hence the story.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy!

The lights were blinding. The sound of children playing around the area resounded within the high ceilings of the airport. 

Nervous was an understatement as the pre-med student waited for his flight, focusing on his phone, messaging the only person he needed in order to stay calm.

The two dated for an amazing 5 years, Kageyama was the first to confess, ironically in accident and it was because of his rivalled teammate, Tsukishima, who pushed him to confess in a game of hotseat. There was undoubtedly a connection between the two, everyone noticed it aside from the two dumbasses. 

Kageyama remembered the conversation all too well, and found himself smiling at the memory. 

_“So, about what you said a while ago…” The smaller pondered._

_“You don’t have to say anything, Idiot.”_

_“I like you too.” Whiplashed, he turned and was met with the smile he found endearing._

_“Idiot.” He felt his face heat-up in the cold._

_“Your idiot.” Hinata stuck his tongue out, skipping ahead making Kageyama chuckle in disbelief that this guy was actually the guy he liked._

Recalling the memory, he thought he would feel better but he found himself succumbing to the sadness that has been knocking on the back of his head for a while now. He only then realized that he really was about to leave the country, being 10,144 kilometers away from the person he found comfort in. Said person was at home, due to his recurring migraine. 

Hinata really wanted to accompany him, his boyfriend, who was about to leave the country. He knew himself more than ever that he had to be with him at least a few hours until the other takes flight. Since, it will take them about five years before they see each other once again. 

As much as Kageyama hated the idea, Hinata did everything in his willpower to convince Kageyama to chase his dreams and be the doctor he wanted to be. In his younger years, he saw what doctors could do and was inspired with the thought of being able to save people. Replacing his childhood dream of being superman, he decided to become a doctor instead which served as his motivation to carry on. 

Hinata knew that it would be ridiculous to let go of a dream that big for himself. Despite their fear of getting into a long-distance relationship, Hinata made sure to make Kageyama focus on his dream instead of the relationship. 

**7:03am**

His flight was in 27 minutes, his palms started to become sweaty, his ears were ringing. He didn’t think he would become this nervous about leaving. It didn’t help that Hinata wasn’t beside him.

_Kageyama!!_

Hinata’s voice resonated, helping him calm down. Not too long after, his phone started ringing, seeing that his boyfriend wanted to video call.

_Nice timing, Idiot._

“Oi, Kageyama!” He grinned through the screen. 

He was too bright, not that Kageyama minded. 

_I miss you._ He thought to himself as his vision blurred.

“So you can cry, huh. I better screen record this.” Hinata joked as an attempt to cheer him up, trying his best to be stronger.

“Shut up, Shoyo.”

At that moment, Hinata’s eyes started to brim with tears. 

It wasn’t much, but Hinata knew that if he called him by his first name, the situation was serious. 

Hinata tried to hold back a sob and covered it up with a smile instead.

“Stupid, stop crying.” 

“You’re crying too, Idiot.” 

“What happened to ‘Shoyo’.” Kageyama found himself laughing, he was too cute. Why is he so cute? _I will miss him._

“Your flight’s in 20 minutes, no?” He tried to change the subject.

“Yeah…” Kageyama trailed off, faltering in the silence between the two, “will we be okay?” 

“Of course we will be! We’re invincible aren’t we?” Hinata flashed him a smile through the screen. 

His migraine was starting to swallow him whole as his head started to throb from the pain of facing the camera. 

_I have to endure it._ He repeated to himself. 

“I’m really gonna miss you.” Kageyama sighed, leaning on the rest of the bench he was seated on.

“I know you will, but think about it; Five years will go by in a flash since you’ll be busy the whole five years, you won’t even notice time passing by and before you know it you’d be coming home to me again! You’ll be fine, trust me.” Hinata as cheerfully as he could through his excruciating headache, hoping that the man on the screen wouldn’t notice his wincing. 

The weight on his shoulders were soon gone after hearing Hinata’s words.

 _Home_. He can still come home after this and he’d be able to reach his dream doing this. 

The thought itself excites him. 

_It will be over before you know it._ Hinata’s words making a mark on his head, it then became the words he held onto.

“I trust you.” 

_Good day, passengers! This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to the United States of America. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready and proceed to Gate 3. Thank you._

He noticed how Kageyama stiffened at the announcement.

_This is it._

“Go chase your dream, Tobio.” Hinata smiled softly, caressing Kageyama’s face through the screen. 

“I will. I love you, ‘till the end. Shoyo.” Kageyama whispered, feeling his lip quiver at the thought of leaving. 

“I love you, ‘till the end, Tobio.” 

____________________________________________________________________________

**Day 1**

Upon arrival, Kageyama was met with a gush of cold wind. Jet lag took over his body as he rolled his luggage out of the airport.

_It’s just one out of one thousand eight hundred and twenty five days, I’ll be coming home after that._

Stepping out, he saw a man holding up a sign with his name on it. The man was tall and seemed like a young adult with his glasses resting lazily on the bridge of his nose.

“ _Ah, you must be Kageyama Tobio! You look so much like Miwa_.” Oh, Japanese.

“ _Hello,_ ” Kageyama greeted in his own mother tongue. 

“ _I’m Oikawa Tooru, you can call me Tooru and no need for honorifics since we aren’t in Japan. But if we were, make sure to call me ‘senpai’._ ” The boy with chestnut hair winked at him. 

_Really, Miwa? You told me about his love for milk bread, and told me about his knee injury but not about how he’s Japanese?_ Kageyama found himself smiling both at how ridiculous his sister, Miwa, is and how talkative Oikawa was.

“Why are you smiling to yourself, weirdo.” Oikawa said teasingly, rolling his eyes. “Oh, you can understand English right?”

“Yes, I studied English the year before coming here.” Kageyama said politely.

“Wow! And you already managed to perfect your ‘L’? You really are something else.” 

Kageyama silently thanked Miwa for letting Oikawa take him in; Knowing that he would be living alongside Oikawa his whole stay in America made him relax. 

“Anyway, is it okay if you wait a little bit? I’ll get my car.” Oikawa said to which Kageyama nodded in response.

 _It’s really nice here, Shoyo. I know you’d enjoy the air around here._ Kageyama thought to himself. 

As much as Hinata wanted to come to America with him, he couldn’t because Hinata hated airplanes since he lost his father in a plane crash. At first, Hinata was reluctant to let Kageyama go, but he didn’t let his fear take over. Hence, convincing him to go abroad. Hinata wasn’t the only one in doubt when it came to studying in America, Kageyama knew how nervous Hinata gets when he’s worried. Worrying Hinata was the last thing he wanted to do, riding an airplane that Hinata hated would trigger that. 

_Which reminds me, I have to message him that I arrived._

**2:04pm**

His phone read, remembering the time so that he could update Hinata once he got connected to the wifi.

“Tobio!”

He heard Oikawa’s voice from a distance, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Oikawa coming out of his white SUV to open up the back which signalled Kageyama to roll his luggage and placed it on the back. They both went in the car, Kageyama almost sitting at the back until Oikawa exclaimed at him, telling him to sit on the passenger’s side because he didn’t want to look like an Uber which Kageyama found amusing. 

“Do you want to listen to Japanese songs or will English songs be fine?” Oikawa asked as he reached for his phone, opening his Spotify. 

“English will be fine, since we are in America.” Kageyama tried to joke.

Oikawa chuckled in response and clicked on a random song.

The car ride was comfortable with Oikawa randomly tuning it with the songs he was playing.

“Oh, by the way, the Wi-Fi password is on top of the red box in the glove compartment.” Oikawa ushered him.

Kageyama nodded in appreciation and found himself smiling widly at the thought of finally getting to message Hinata.

“Who’s the lucky person?” Kageyama didn’t need to look at Oikawa to know that he was looking at him teasingly as he felt his face redden from embarrassment.

“So you do have a significant other! What’s their name and how long have you guys been together? May I see a picture of them? Is that him on your lockscreen? He’s adorable! How old is he?”

Kageyama bursted out in laughter at how hyper Oikawa was. 

_It reminded him of his own little sunshine back home._

“Oikawa-san! Keep your eyes on the road!” Kageyama exclaimed, letting out a hearty laugh. 

“You are the total opposite of what Miwa told me.” Oikawa laughed.

“What did she even say?” Kageyama asked in curiosity.

“She told me you were too serious and only ever smiled when playing volleyball, but smiling didn’t come often even then.” 

“Ah, yeah, I was like that…“ He trailed off, “before meeting him anyway.” He sighed looking back at his lockscreen. 

It was a picture of him during the time when Yachi’s mom lent them their cabin in the woods for their reunion, before graduating college. Yachi and Yamaguchi were quick to plan the reunion when they found out about Kageyama studying abroad. The day itself was hard to forget being reunited with the people who accepted him. It was a 3-day trip and on the last day, Hinata woke him up earlier than usual which annoyed him at first but seeing Hinata being sneaky and careful about waking the others up, made him forget that it was in fact 4:30 in the morning that time. Kageyama remembered how they tripped over stones and got scared of leaves crunching under their feet as Hinata led him to a cliff which showed a view of the city. The view was breathtaking as the sun slowly rose, greeting another day. For Kageyama, it was another day spent with the person he felt the most love from since he lost his grandfather. Hinata was staring as the sun slowly rose. Sunlight lightly touched his skin which made it seem like he was shining. With closed eyes, he hummed along with the wind that bustled through the trees. It was the perfect moment to take a picture, and Kageyama took the chance. The memory brings both comfort and sorrow, making him miss home.

Oikawa was good at reading the room, and so he waited for Kageyama to respond. Making him think how wonderful love could be, with the way Kageyama glowed thinking about his loved one back in Japan. 

“His name’s Hinata Shoyo, he’s short and pretty childish so people commonly mistake him to be years younger than I am, but we’re from the same year.” Kageyama smiled before continuing, “We’ve been together for 5 years now and it’s all still surreal for me.”

And it was, the two fought a lot and to begin with, they rarely got along especially when it came to volleyball. It was a complete mystery for Kageyama, to be in love with such an amazing being. But he was thankful for it.

“5 years? Damn, you two must be in love.” Oikawa spoke with jealousy.

“And it honestly feels like I only confessed yesterday.” He said longingly, remembering that he won’t be seeing Hinata for another 5 years. 

“5 years will pass.” Oikawa hummed, as if reading his thoughts, “It will be a quick 5 year thing, believe me I know.” He reassured Kageyama.

 _It will be quick._ Kageyama repeated in his head, watching the cars pass by, as he slowly drifted off into sleep.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Kageyama?” 

Kageyama was shaken awake by Oikawa. He slowly opened his eyes to darkness, it was already dark out. 

It was already 6:50pm.

_Shit._

He totally forgot about messaging Hinata. 

Panic started to take over him until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Oikawa was worried and Kageyama started to feel guilty. He hated worrying people, more than anything. He used to hide his problems with a strong facade until Hinata taught him to open up every once in a while when needed. 

_Hinata_. He remembered how he needed to leave him a message soon.

“Yeah, I just really need to message Hinata.” He said in a panic. _Agh, calm down, Tobio._

“Ah yeah, the password’s pretty simple.” Oikawa said. Kageyama was waiting for him to tell him the password but was met with silence, “no space, no capitals.” He continued.

 _Oh._ Kageyama’s panic left his body as he laughed at Oikawa’s Wi-Fi password. 

Once he got connected, he received 3 messages from Hinata.

**\-------------------**

**7:34am (JST)**

_Hinata Shoyo_

_Hi Bakayama! You’re probably on your flight right now, I’m honestly really scared right now but I know you’ll be safe… you will be safe right? :( I know you will be… Anyway, I’ll be taking a nap now! I really hope you have a safe flight! Enjoy your stay in America! Don’t miss me too much ;) I love youuu~_

**\-------------------**

**3:16pm (JST)**

_Hinata Shoyo_

_Heeeeey! I just woke-up, I decided not to do anything today since my head still hurts :( You’re probably still in your flight, I hope you’re not crying like you were a while ago! I took screenshots you can’t escape me now >:) _

_Oh Kenma just messaged me and told me he was in the area! He told me he’d be dropping by our apartment, we’ll probably watch a movie or maybe he’ll be playing on his switch, hmmm… I miss you. I hope you’re well!_

**\-------------------**

**9:46pm (JST)**

_Hinata Shoyo_

_Hey hey hey! Oops, I just copied Bokuto-san~ Kenma just left our apartment, it's starting to feel lonely again… My migraine is almost gone tho! Just a slight headache right now :) I know you’re still in your flight, I’m still praying to the gods for your safe arrival! I’ll be going to sleep now. I'm really hoping I see you in my sleep :c I miss you, I’ll be sleeping now! Goodnight, Tobio! Idk when you’ll see this so GOOD DAY! :D_

**\-------------------**

Kageyama checked his phone to see what time it was in Japan and to his luck it was 10 in the morning. Hinata was about to wake-up any moment 

**\-------------------**

**6:55pm (PDT)**

_Kageyama Tobio_

_Hey Shoyo, Good Morning! I’m sorry for only messaging you now… I arrived at around 2pm. I already met up with Oikawa-san, Miwa’s friend? And guess what? He’s Japanese! And he’s really hyper, just like you, dumbass. I miss you already. The air around here is nice! I wish you were here with me. Anyway, we just arrived at Oikawa-san’s house, I’ll be settling in, I don’t know if you’re awake by the time you receive this but I hope this message finds you well, as in with no headache whatsoever. I love you too, by the way._

**\-------------------**

**10:58am (JST)**

_Hinata Shoyo_

_KAGEYAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I missed you T-T I’m so glad you're safe!!!!! That’s good that you have Oikawa-san with you, I hope I can meet him soon! Take your time settling in! I know you’re tired, so you can go back to sleep, okay?? I’d say not to worry about me but I have a heartache from missing you :( okay, that was cheesy sorry~ Say hi to Oikawa-san for me! And tell him that I can’t wait to meet him soon!_

**\-------------------**

**7:04pm (PDT)**

_Kageyama Tobio_

_Sorry, we brought my stuff in my room. Do you want to call after I unpack?_

**\-------------------**

**10:05am (JST)**

_Hinata Shoyo_

_Suuure! Message me before calling because I’ll make myself some breakfast hehe :D_

**\-------------------**

**7:06pm (PDT)**

_Kageyama Tobio_

_Alright, I’ll see you later. I love you._

**\-------------------**

**10:07am (JST)**

_Hinata Shoyo_

_See you!!! I love you too :)_

**\-------------------**

With that, Kageyama started unpacking his stuff, Oikawa helping him. 

The short conversation he had with Hinata was enough to make him miss him more. He wanted to hold him in his arms again. He missed hearing his voice every once in a while calling out to him, wanting to assure him that he’s still there, that he’s still present. He missed how he would hide at the most random spots to surprise him which would end up with him chasing him around the apartment. He missed hearing his laugh that always completed his day, how it sounds so sweet and full of joy. He missed the way he would cover his face when he laughs, as if he were scared of blinding everyone with how bright his smile is. He missed him, his sunshine, his light and warmth, his _home._

_I’ll be home soon, my love._

____________________________________________________________________________

**Day 383**

“Oh, and Kenma said thank you for the chocolates! He wants more, by the way.” Hinata laughed at his best friend’s antics. He remembered how Kenma’s face lit up when he tried the controller switch-shaped chocolate with a “surprise” flavor inside. When Hinata asked him about the taste all Kenma said was, “I need more of it.”

It’s been over a year since Kageyama went to America. 

At 5:00am (PDT)/9:00pm (JST), the couple would video call each other and update each other about their days. It became a part of their routine, while working their way through this thousand kilometer distance relationship. It was something the two of them looked forward to waking up to, and something to rest to.

“Sure, I’ll add it to my checklist on things to buy for next month.” 

During his break, he took a part time job at a fast food restaurant not only to help Oikawa when it comes to buying necessities but also to buy Hinata (and sometimes, Kenma) stuff to be sent to Japan.

Kageyama was preparing for his second year in med school, doing last minute reviews before school starts. 

“Hey Tobio?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m sorry for sleeping early a lot lately, but is it okay if-”

“Hey, don’t apologize. It’s okay to take a rest okay? I know you’ve been tired.” 

Hinata joined Japan’s National Volleyball team, he wasn’t able to let go of the sport even after graduation. However, it did concern Kageyama with how Hinata was exhausted most of the time. It showed through his inactivity; the bags that formed under his eyes, the lackluster in his voice. It was all too concerning, but Hinata would always reassure him that he was fine and Kageyama wanted to believe him. 

“Go to rest, my love. I’ll be fine. I have work in 3 hours anyway.” Kageyama reassured.

“You’re already letting me off? How could you! Don’t you miss me?” Hinata said dramatically, holding a hand to his chest as he jokingly looked at Kageyama with disgust.

“Shoyo, I miss you everyday but you need to rest, okay?” Kageyama said in a voice that made Hinata almost melt _and book a flight toAmerica because he misses his man._

“Fine. I’ll go to sleep. Goodnight, Tobio.” Hinata gave a wave to Kageyama through the screen before putting it down.

Kageyama wanted to distract himself, thankfully Oikawa had great timing entering his room.

“Your call is already done? It hasn’t been 30 minutes.” Worry is clear in Oikawa’s tone. 

During his first few months in the country, they would call until Kageyama was on his school’s doorstep, literally. 

Doubt started to eat him up, does Hinata still lo- 

_No._

Kageyama scratched his head and gave his cheeks a firm slap on the cheeks. Why is he doubting him? Hinata was the one who’d always reassure him that he’ll stay. Why would he be the one to leave then? Did he grow tired of assuring him?

Thought after thought crowded in his mind and before he knew it he was crying. He felt arms embracing him into a tight hug. 

_Not Hinata._ But it will do for now. 

“You should take a rest. I’ll wake you up in time for your work.” Oikawa mumbled, with Kageyama still in his arms. 

Kageyama nodded, still being locked in his arms, not moving. He didn’t want to let go. Oikawa was the closest to Hinata that he got since they both projected the same aura but Kageyama was constantly reminded that Oikawa is _not_ , and never will be, Hinata. But he needed sunshine, he needed warmth.

Oikawa, through observation, noticed how much Kageyama longed for warmth. Remembering the time when Hinata sent over three jackets that smelled like him. To Oikawa’s surprise, he caught Kageyama wrapping his pillow with one Hinata’s jacket hugging it tightly as he cried himself to sleep. 

_I know how much you miss his warmth. I’m sorry that I can’t give you the warmth that he gave, but I hope this is enough._ Oikawa thought to himself, tightening his embrace

After Kageyama settled down, he pulled away from Oikawa’s embrace. Unable to speak, he smiled at Oikawa, thanking him. Oikawa shook his head in response, patting his head which told Kageyama to take a rest.

Once Oikawa was out of the room, Kageyama slowly climbed to his bed and started to cry once again. 

_I really don’t want to doubt you, but I just want to hear you say ‘I love you’ again._

____________________________________________________________________________

It’s been one thousand two hundred and sixty seven days since Kageyama arrived in America. He is currently in his third year in med school. At the same time, It’s been almost three months since Kageyama and Hinata stopped talking. 

It was volleyball season again, Kageyama wanted to convince himself that that was the reason why Hinata stopped responding to his messages. But he knew something was up, he could see him retweeting tweets from the National Japan Volleyball Team’s account, and he was the one handling their Instagram account. 

But what bothered him more are the rumors that have been circulating about him and his team’s setter, _Miya Astumu_.

Kageyama remembered his name, too well for this matter. He remembered how he was pining for Hinata. How he tried his best to keep in touch with him even after they graduated highschool.

_Why is he hanging out with him?_

The rumors have been going around for two months, he only checked social media a month after being ignored by Hinata to check up on him and was instead faced with articles about “what their relationship could be”. They were the talk of Japan’s Volleyball Association since they were also an unstoppable duo. Ironically, during their highschool years, people called him and Hinata the exact same thing. 

“Someone woke-up on the wrong side of the bed.” Oikawa said walking in Kageyama’s room.

Oikawa always checked up on Kageyama since he stopped eating regularly because of med school. His eating, as well as sleeping, schedule became worse after Hinata stopped interacting with him. He has been tempted to ask Kageyama about it, but he knows himself that he has to wait for Kageyama to open up. 

“I’m just so annoyed.” Kageyama grunted leaning back on his chair.

“I’m listening.” 

“Well, like what I said, Hinata stopped talking to me three months ago, right?” Without waiting for Oikawa to respond he continued on angrily, “Well, I checked social media and he’s with Miya _fucking_ Atsumu. He knew how jealous I was of him, and yet here he is, hanging out with the man who has been pining over him while ignoring me! I don’t even know if he still wants him and I just-” 

“Okay, Kageyama, I want you to breath. You’re clenching your fists too much.” Oikawa gesturing to Kageyama’s now white knuckles that he has been clenching due to his anger. 

In the three years that they shared living under the same roof, one of the things that Oikawa learned about Kageyama - aside from his addiction to milk - was that he had trouble controlling his anger.

He took a breath, two deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

Oikawa made sure that he was calm enough before he spoke, “In my opinion, I think you should talk to him. It’s unfair for you if he leaves you without a reason.” 

“What if he doesn’t answer my call?” Kageyama said, sighing in frustration. 

“Then just write him a message.” Oikawa suggested.

He checked the time. It was 2:00am, meaning it was 6:00pm in Japan. 

“I’ll call him.” Kageyama announced.

“Are you sure? You’re still angr-”

“If I don’t do it now, it will keep on bothering me and I won’t be able to concentrate, I need to do this.” Kageyama said sternly.

Oikawa ran a hand through his hair, “Just control yourself, okay? If I hear you cussing, I am barging in your room and ending the call. You got me?” 

“Yeah.” Kageyama brushed off.

“I’m serious, Tobio.” Oikawa challenged. 

Whenever he heard his first name from Hinata, he would always feel his heart flutter, he’d feel at ease. However, hearing it from Oikawa made him nervous, he felt like fists would be flying if he didn’t take him seriously.

“I’ll control myself, okay? Don’t worry and let me do this.” Kageyama sighed, giving in.

“ _Alright, Tobio-chan. Calm down, okay? Goodluck.”_

It was refreshing to hear Japanese again, it helped Kageyama calm down a little bit. He silently thanked Oikawa as he left the room.

Kageyama took three deep breaths, closing his eyes. 

_You have to calm yourself down, you can do this, Tobio._

He searched for his contacts until he found his name.

‘ _Hinata Shoyo_ ’ 

Seeing his name made him tense a little bit, his finger hovering over his name. 

_It’s now or never._

To his surprise it only took one ring before the latter picked up.

There were no hello’s, both sides were silent. White noise was the only thing that could be heard. 

“What’s up?” He heard the other line said after a few moments.

“What’s up? Is that really what you tell me?” Kageyama fumed. 

_Calm down. Calm down._ **_CALM DOWN._ **

“Why’d you call?” Hinata asked, as if he were clueless about the situation. As if he didn’t ignore his _boyfriend_ for three months while hanging out with another man. 

“I- What am I to you?” Kageyama scrambled, finding it hard to formulate words because of how ridiculous the situation was.

“Uh, you’re Kageyama Tobio.” Hinata answered sarcastically.

At this point, Kageyama wanted to scream, he wanted to throw his laptop across the room. He was stressed enough because of studying, he didn’t need this to add-up to the frustration he was already feeling. 

He wanted to punch the wall in front of him that was tempting him to take action. But he couldn’t; not with Oikawa monitoring him, not with Hinata on the line. He tried to calm himself down by digging his nails into his palms.

“So, I’m not your ’future’ anymore?” Kageyama felt his chest sting.

_Why does it feel like I’m talking to a completely different person?_

“Why won’t you wake-up?” Hinata’s tone, more different than usual. The absence of his usual warmth was prominent. 

“What do you mean…?” Kageyama was taken aback by Hinata’s coldness. 

_Was the sun supposed to feel this cold?_

“I’m tired of this, okay? I don’t like not being able to see you, be with you. I don’t like the fact that you’re so far away that I can’t hold you, that I don’t feel you.” Hinata rambled.

“But you were the one who convinced me to go here.” And it was true. He remembered how hard Hinata tried to convince him to book his flight. 

“Ah, so now it’s my fault, huh? Take a hint, Kageyama! I only tried to convince you once, when we sat down and talked. You immediately agreed! I knew you were set for America the moment you agreed. You could always attend med school here, why does it have to be there?” Hinata started to raise his voice. Kageyama could hear him on the verge of tears as he sniffled over the line, but instead of feeling guilty, he only felt his blood boil.

“Are you kidding me right now? Why convince me when I told you that it would be okay if I went to med school in Japan?! And you know damn well that I went to America because my grandfather went to med school here, and that I was following his footsteps. Stop acting like you don’t know the answers to your questions.” Kageyama was trying so hard to keep his voice modulated, but his throat was starting to burn. He didn’t know if it was because of how angry he was or if it was because of the tears that were threatening to fall.  
  
“Why are you even following the footsteps of someone who’s dead?” Hinata retorted.

The mention of his grandfather made Kageyama lose all his sense of reason. His grandfather was his inspiration, his number one supporter. He loved him despite the few years he spent with him. Hinata knows how important his grandfather was to him. It made him angry how Hinata mentioned him as if he were no one, as if he were just someone. He couldn’t stop himself and punched his study desk, making it crack. 

“You did not just go there, Hinata. I swear to God. Why are you being like that? What the hell is wrong with you?” Kageyama’s voice was low. 

“What is wrong with me? I think the question is what is wrong with you. You shouldn’t have confessed when you knew you were going to leave eventually.” Hinata’s voice was cracking but Kageyama didn’t care. 

“It’s not my fault that you fell in love. Stop blaming me for everything. Stop playing the victim. You aren’t the only who’s hurt here.” Kageyama breathed. “And for the fucking record, I wasn’t the one who left for three months.” 

“And you know what? I don’t regret it. Atsumu has been treating me well. And I know that you’re too invested in your stupid med school so go focus on that.” 

“Fuck you, Hinata Shoyo.” 

With that Kageyama ended the call. 

His whole body was shaking. His hands were numb. His body felt hot. 

It became quiet.

All of a sudden, he hears voices prompting him to let loose, to throw fists.

Why was he being like that?

Why did he blame me for leaving? 

Did he really think it was that easy for me? 

Was it really that easy for him to let me go? 

Was it easy to replace me? 

When did his feelings fade? 

Why did he mention my grandfather, knowing how much he meant to me?

“Kageyama stop!” 

He heard someone tell him, grasping his arms.

He was struggling.

_Let me break the fucking wall._

Sobs were heard in the room, bringing him back to his senses.

“Kageyama, please stop.” 

Oikawa was shaking, still holding onto his arms but his head was down. Kageyama knew he was crying. 

“Oikawa… I’m sorry.” Kageyama started crying himself as he fell to the floor.

He repeatedly apologized to Oikawa.

“Oikawa, I- He… he l-left me.” 

Kageyama still couldn’t believe it. Everything was surreal. He still couldn’t quite grasp the events that just happened.

He just wanted the day to end. 

____________________________________________________________________________

**August, 27, 2023. 2 years later.**

_Dr. Kageyama Tobio, PhD._

Looking at his name felt great, as he once again stepped on the land of rising sun.

_Konnichiwa, Nihon. Tadaima._

He rolled his luggage towards his sister holding up his name on a board. 

“Welcome back, Kageyama.” Miwa gave him a small smile. “I’m glad you followed the dress code.”

“Whose party are we going to go to anyway?” Kageyama asked in curiosity. 

Before his flight back to Japan, Miwa gave him an invitation that only contained a date, time and a dress code. 

“You will see.” Miwa said softly, giving him a pat on the back.

Kageyama digested the scenery, he truly missed the busy streets of Japan. 

A few hours had passed and the streets started to look familiar, too familiar and it was making Kageyama nervous.

“Miwa, where are you taking me?”

As soon as his words left his lips. He saw where they were and felt his heart drop. 

“Miwa, why are we-” 

“Tobio.” Miwa cut him off. She sounded serious enough to make Kageyama stop talking.

She slowly eased her car into a parking slot.

“Before you freak out, I just want to say that, everything will be explained when you get there, okay?”

She then grabbed a bouquet from the back seat and handed it to him. 

_Sunflowers._ _These are his favorites._

“Just walk down the pathway, you’ll see familiar faces.” Miwa smiled, before letting Kageyama off her car.

He stared at the pathway. Before he could take a step he felt a hand grab his arm, “Please, calm down, okay?”

The best he could do was nod in response, seemingly losing his voice.

He proceeded to walk down the walkway, the cool breeze reminding him of the air around America but also the gentle touch of someone all too familiar. 

After a few steps, he sees Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Yachi, all clad in black. He stopped in his tracks but not before his eyes spotted a blonde man with an undercut. He wanted to throw fists but now until Miwa’s words resonated within him. 

_Calm down, Tobio._

He took a deep breath. 

At this point, there was no use in second guessing the situation. 

He took a step, two steps, passing his old teammates. They patted him as he walked by. 

Each step felt heavier, as he moved forward.

He started to feel his heart jump out of his chest. 

The bouquet, that he was unconsciously gripping tightly, met the floor, as he saw the name engraved on the cemented plate in front of him.

**_Hinata Shoyo_ **

**_June 21, 1996 - September 21, 2022_ **

He couldn’t believe his eyes, he didn’t know he was digging his nails on his palms until he felt hands hold onto him.

“Kageyama-kun.” 

He couldn’t look away from the plate in front of him. Instead of speaking, he let his tears fall in response. 

“K-kageyama-kun.” The hand holding onto his own squeezed him in comfort, hoping that it would get his attention. 

Kageyama slowly turned away from the tombstone, his eyes wide, still in disbelief with what’s in front of him. 

“Why?” He tried to voice out, but it only came out as a whisper.

Yachi leaned his head on Kageyama’s shoulder whispering apologies. He felt his black polo dampen, probably from Yachi’s tears but he didn’t care, not one bit.

_Why are you apologizing?_

“He told us not to tell you. He wanted you to focus on med school.” He heard the ever so familiar annoying voice. 

“He really did love you, and he cared about you a lot.” The other voice chimed in. 

_Glad they still come as a pair._ He thought to himself in jealousy, looking back at his supposed partner, now six feet under.

He feels an unfamiliar presence approach him, opposite of where his teammates were. 

“He wanted me to give this to ya.” He heard the annoyingly familiar Kansai dialect. 

He looked up to him then focused on the envelope with his name written on it. 

_'to Kageyama Tobio'_

The handwriting was so familiar that it hurt.

“We’ll be around the area, we’ll leave you two alone,” Yachi trailed off giving the tomb a glance “Just walk back-up the path way if you’re ready to go.” 

He heard their footsteps disappear into the distance and paid no attention to the concerned people, hesitating to leave. He held onto the letter of the person who he cared about the most.

With shaky hands, he carefully removed the tape, prying the envelope open.

He breathed deeply before reading the letter.

_Kageyama Tobio!_

_Hey there!_

_I know it might be stupid to be reading this letter after everything I told you. So before anything else, I would like to apologize for what I said. It was the only way I could think of to get you to hate me._

Kageyama shook his head on the last line, “How could I hate you, Idiot.” He said looking at the tombstone in front of him. 

_If you’re reading this then I’m probably six feet under, I̶ ̶g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶a̶l̶l̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶h̶u̶h̶?̶ ̶ (hey Kageyama-kun, this is Kenma, I’m writing the letter for him. I’m sorry for messing the letter, we already threw away 3 papers trying to write this letter so I’ll strike it out instead. You know, Shoyo, he really is stupid)_

Kageyama found himself smiling, more than glad that Kenma was still by Hinata’s side. 

_I honestly don’t know how and where to start. But basically I have brain cancer, p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶a̶c̶a̶d̶e̶m̶i̶c̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶d̶u̶m̶b̶. I don’t know when it started but my mom told me that my dad’s mother had it, but it’s weird that I got it since it’s rare to pass brain cancer genetically (he just said that he doesn’t know what that means lol -K)_

Kageyama once again smiled, Kenma isn’t good at comforting but he knew that putting comments on Hinata’s last letter was his way to comfort Kageyama. He suddenly imagined Kenma and Hinata bickering about what the letter would contain.

_I went to the hospital to get a check up, the day before I started ignoring you. My headaches were persistent and I started to hate waking up. Kenma convinced me to get checked since he was the one who I’ve been calling every morning since at times I couldn’t move because it hurt to move my head. The doctors said that they could surgically remove the tumor, but I couldn’t let them. I started thinking about how much it would cost and I thought, “I’m already happy with how I spent my life, and I got to spend it with you.“ So I decided not to get the surgery, my mom could use it on better things anyway._

“Dumbass.“ was all Kageyama could say after reading the last sentence before continuing:

_I was planning on telling you about it, and I knew that if I told you about it, that you would come back home (You get too easily worried about me even if you hate making me worry boo) but I couldn’t let you. You’re a few years away from reaching your dream and I didn’t want to be the reason why your dreams won’t come true so I did what I did. I acted like I was in a relationship with Atsumu-san and I let the rumors run around. (By the way, nothing happened, I’d rather lick your foot than date Atsumu-san) And… that’s when the fight happened… I really tried my best to make you hate me, because if you hated me maybe it would hurt a little less for you if I died… Anyway, I’m really sorry for everything I said. I’m really running out of words to say but I don’t want this letter to end yet hehe. But I just want to thank you for making me the happiest person in the world and for believing in me despite the doubt that surrounded me. And yes, I am still thanking you even if you doubted me at first too._

_My dream was to see the day where you reached your dream, and I can’t wait to see you reach your dreams from up here._

_I love you, ‘till the end, Kageyama Tobio. Thank you for everything until now. See you soon (BUT NOT TOO SOON OKAY I WILL KICK YOU IF I DON’T SEE YOU WRINKLY AND OLD, YOU NEED TO GROW OLD OKAY?)_

_Yours Forever,_

_Hinata Shoyo_

Kageyama found himself leaning over Hinata's tomb. 

“You’re such a dumbass, you know that, right? My dream was to spend a lifetime with you… Why’d you have to leave?” Kageyama let his tears flow, and said the next words with all the love he could give to the man he called home, to his sunshine shining from below, 

“I love you too, ‘till the end, Hinata Shoyo.”


End file.
